I have long had a love-hate relationship with food, but now that I’m 30, it has come to a head. I feel that I am at a crossroads and must choose – eat what I want and be content with the extra pounds that will inevitably result, or continue to strive for fit and fabulous and the expense of my passion for food. Oh how I wish there was a healthy median.
I recently heard a famous model quote, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. Although it sparked quite a bit of controversy, I personally thing she’s right on. I don’t interpret this as “starve yourself”, but rather “the cookie doesn’t taste as good as you’ll feel if you don’t eat it”. And therein lies my problem. If I could just eat 1 cookie every now and then, I’d be just fine. But I don’t. If there’s a plate of cookies in my vicinity, I’ll start with one, and then become completely ravenous and eat 3 or 4 more, which then spirals into several days (or weeks) of overeating. I guess I’m the classic binge eater, but have managed to keep my weight in check thus far with regular workouts. But hello, age has crept up on me and I can no longer continue like this. Sometimes I’ll manage to go a week or more eating healthily, but always fall back to my old ways.
So I was talking to my husband about this (thank goodness he’s a very patient, understanding guy), and he encouraged me to think back to where my obsession with my looks comes from? And he’s right of course, my issue with food goes back to my desire to look good. The only thing I can figure is that I was raised to believe that you must look your best at all times. Plus, I’m not ashamed to say that I was very attractive as a little girl, and was told this frequently growing up. So perhaps I seek acceptance by always striving to look perfect? But food was also a huge factor in my upbringing. It was the center of all family and friend gatherings, holidays, birthdays, etcetera. One of my favorite things is grocery shopping and planning out my menu. I have tried over and over to focus on buying and eating only healthy foods, but somehow I always regress. I don’t keep bad food in my house, but I’ll still manage to find it.
It’s time to turn a corner and stop this crazy love-hate relationship. How do I finally come to terms with the fact that this is the only body I get and I’d better learn to love it…