Monday. Freezing cold. A long day of work ahead. Ugh.
At some point yesterday my mood went south and I got into that “what’s my life purpose” funk. I don’t know why I have been going through this so much lately. I’m about to turn 30 next year and feel that I should be doing something with my life, something for someone else besides myself. All I do is work, work-out, prepare and eat food, read ocassionally, and go to sleep. That’s it. Plus I start to go a little crazy when I don’t even leave the house all weekend, which I didn’t except for a run in our neighborhood Sunday afternoon. My husband gets very frustrated with me when I get like this, not that I can blame him, but I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s easy to tell yourself your life is great and you have everything to be happy about, but at these moments, all I can think about is that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. I’m sure some think this is just me dealing with the fact that all of my friends now have between 1 and 5 children and I’m the lone infertile one. Maybe. I don’t feel the strong motherly urge to have children, although it does make me feel more distant from my friends since I cannot contribute to most of their conversations anymore. I just don’t beleive my sole purpose in this world is to reproduce, so then what? I was watching a show on bees last week, and it was talking about the worker bees only living a few weeks. Bees always seem so busy and content with themselves, so is that what I’m supposed to do? Just work my life away? Hmm. Well now I don’t feel any better…
OK on to another subject. I need to start planning out my meals in advance. I’m constantly reading that this is the best way to eat healthy and also keep your grocery spending in check, but I’ve always avoided planning too far in advance because my mood often rules my meal preferences. But I go a little crazy at the grocery picking up anything that looks good and then end up with more food than I can eat. I’ve added a column for myself and my husband with space for each meal, then a grocery list at the bottom. I guess I’ll need to start doing this each weekend before the big grocery trip. This also makes it easier to pack lunches each day since I have it written on my fridge! We’ll see how it goes.
Daily Meal Tracker – (got to start tracking these again for accountability!) spinach pineapple smoothie for breakfast; steak with corn, beans, and salsa plus yogurt for lunch; apple with peanut butter for snack, leftover stuffed shells with ricotta for dinner.